‘Abide in Me’

MADISON  At first, Rose Robayo of Our Lady of the Lake (OLL) Parish in Sparta thought that a daily commitment to 30 minutes of reading, praying and journaling on Sacred Scripture might take up too much time.

Nevertheless, Robayo devoted herself to a half-hour each day of praying and writing her reflections in a journal — her “homework” each week as a member of “Abide in Me,” a spiritual direction program that offers prayer and support for wives of candidates studying to be permanent deacons of the Diocese, who will be ordained in 2023. But often when she entered into the Scriptures at home, she discovered that two hours of prayer just would fly by.

“I got so absorbed in praying. Before that, I had never taken the time to sit down and pray Scripture. Praying this way showed me how much time I should be devoting to prayer,” said Robayo, wife of John, a candidate for the permanent diaconate, and part of “Abide in Me,” a voluntary new program for diaconal candidates’ wives that started in November — the first of its kind in the Diocese. “ ‘Abide in Me’ has increased my prayer life and enhanced my understanding of the Scriptures. Journaling made me think more about Scripture, my life and what God is telling me. We [wives] were looking for and — are finding — the Lord’s graces for our lives in Scripture,” she said.

On a Saturday each month, Robayo and seven other wives met for three-hour “Abide in Me” meetings held at St. Paul Inside the Walls: the Diocesan Center for Evangeliza­tion here, while their candidate husbands were attending formation classes there in pastoral and human development. Marcia Reina, the wife of a permanent deacon in the Newark Archdiocese, led the sessions, which included time for instruction in prayer, private prayer in St. Paul’s chapel and group sharing. In the process, the wives had formed a critical spiritual and emotional support group, where they could be open to sharing their feelings, experiences and insights, said Reina, who is certified in spiritual direction, and offered individual spiritual direction to participants.

“In the group, we shared divulging private feelings that have brought us close. Some of us are going through similar things as our husbands are studying to become permanent deacons: doubts, hardships and joys,” said Robayo who serves as a lector and is involved in the Women’s Cornerstone Retreat at Our Lady of the Lake, while husband John is involved with the Rite of Chris­tian Initiation of Adults program there. “When we shared Scripture, other women picked out other phrases that speak to them — ones that I would not have thought of — which helped me get more out of the passages,” she said.

During each 9 a.m. to noon session, Reina instructed the wives, who examined the eight themes for prayer, based on the spiritual exercises of St. Ignatius that were developed by Jesuit Father John Wickham. Praying on these specific themes can help reveal God’s power and grace in Scripture — as the wives encountered the Lord in their prayer time. According to Reina, these graces help them trust more deeply in the Father’s care, proclaim a stronger “Yes” to their own existence, rejoice in their union with him, gain a deeper sense of God's mercy for them, allow him to act freely in him, respond with generosity, grow in a deeper knowledge of God and grow in their ability to share and receive.

“The wives learned how to be still in prayer — listening to God, growing in love for and intimacy with him and waiting for specific and abundant graces that have transformed — and continue to transform — their lives,” said Reina. “During the sharing part, they allowed themselves to be emotionally vulnerable and developed a deep bond,” she said.

In the first session, the wives learned to pray for a deeper trust in the Lord’s care by reading and reflecting on Hebrews 11:8-9, which speaks of Abraham’s faith; Luke 11:1-11, about Jesus’ teaching on prayer; and Ephesians 3:14-21, in which Paul prays to grow strong in faith. Then they prayed privately in St. Paul’s chapel for 45 minutes “completely immersed with no interruptions.” Afterward, they came back together to reflect on a few thought-provoking questions, such as “How have you experienced God’s providential care in the events and relationships in your life?” and “Where or how have I been hindered in my ability to trust?” Reina told The Beacon.

Reina and two other women who helped facilitate the group — Regina DePrima and Therese Coughlin, also spiritual directors — offered to meet with the wives one-on-one in private sessions for spiritual direction, she said.

Another participant was Kathy Galdi, director of religious education at St. Lawrence the Martyr Parish in Chester, who found that journaling her Scripture reflections helped deepen her prayer life and her relationship with God.

“It was very powerful to revisit my journal entries and see how the Lord is always there — always working in my life,” said Galdi, wife of David. He is a diaconal candidate along with ten other men in the five-year diaconal formation program that will lead to a master’s degree in theology from Immaculate Conception Seminary in South Orange — and ordination as a deacon in 2023. “David and I were already open about our spirituality but because of ‘Abide in Me,’ I’ve reached new depths in spirituality which I share with him. Through the graces that I’ve received, I feel that I can be more available to him in his diaconate,” she said.

Previously, Reina, certificated in spiritual direction from the Cenacle of Our Lady of Divine Providence School of Spirituality in Clearwater, Fla., had spoken to the wives of diocesan diaconal candidates once as part of a panel discussion and another in a personal talk. She got the idea that wives need more spiritual and emotional support when she was journeying through the formation process with her husband, Deacon Kevin Reina of St. Teresa of Avila Parish, Summit, who was ordained in the Newark Archdiocese in 2016. Last year, Reina and Deacon Peter Cistaro, director of the diocesan permanent diaconate, talked about starting a spiritual direction program that includes prayer and support for wives.

The ‘Abide in Me’ program is voluntary for the wives of candidates. Wives must assent to their husbands’ participation in the program and prior to ordination. Their support is very important since they are often seen as working together with their husbands. By popular demand, the series is expected to continue in the fall, said Deacon Cistaro who also serves at St. Peter the Apostle Parish, Parsippany.

Looking back at the first series of ‘Abide in Me,’ Reina remarked, “It’s been a privilege to journey with these wives. It’s really the Holy Spirit — he is the spiritual director.”