Bringing Millennials Back to Traditional Marriage

Father Philip-Michael Tangorra

Diocesan priest’s article suggests ways to inspire more sacramental marriages

HALEDON  The millennial generation, where did your belief in true love go? The reality today seems rather distressing — that fewer and fewer young adults, from 25- to 34-years-old, have been choosing to enter the lifelong commitment of sacramental marriage. In fact, 25 percent of these so-called “millennial” couples are now cohabitating — living together outside of marriage — while it’s predicted that 25 percent of them will never marry.

But why? “Millennials” have been moving away from traditional marriage for many reasons, including their lack of faith in the institution because so many of them grew up in divorced and/or single-parent families. Also, the slow U.S. economic recovery and increasing college loan debts have made it more difficult for couples to buy their first house and start their lives together. Other factors include inadequate religious formation about the importance of traditional marriage and the influence of the secular media and their peers to be more “inclusive” of non-traditional families, Father Philip-Michael Tangorra writes in “The Sacrament of Matrimony: a Conversation with Millennials,” an article for Homiletic & Pastoral Review Magazine.

Yet Father Tangorra, chaplain at Prince of Peace Chapel and Bishop Rodimer Catholic Campus Ministry Center at William Paterson University in Wayne/Haledon, also offers in the article many ways that the Church can help reverse this trend and spark a rise in “love and marriage” among millennials. Catholics need to promote marriage as a positive experience; offer guidelines to a successful marriage; stress that marriage provides for love and care of children; and encourage that spouses make the Eucharist the center of their marriage, among many other suggestions, writes Father Tangorra, also associate coordinator of evangelization for the Paterson Diocese.

“These millennials are more taken with contemporary trends and sociopolitical movements, which are largely at odds with traditional Catholic teachings on faith and morals [such as on the issues of gay marriage, artificial contraception and sex outside of marriage]. This is a ‘spiritual, not religious’ crowd. Still, there are those who are faithful, church-attending Catholics, who favor ‘change’ and/or ‘inclusivism,’ ” wrote Father Tangorra, who was graduated from Pope John XXIII Regional High School, Sparta, and considers himself a millennial. “We [Catholics] see Jesus as ‘inclusive,’ and inclusivity is our banner. Marriage as a sacramental sign of that inclusive offering of salvation by Christ is a point of emphasis that must be developed and proclaimed among us millennials,” he writes.

Furthermore, Father Tangorra suggests that “any creative and insightful pastor or parish priest should be able to ‘tap’ into these traits and give us millennials what we desire most: a sense of belonging. When we feel we can take some ownership and are welcomed into a community such as a parish, that is a positive and inclusive message and we will become a lifelong asset.”

Father Tangorra, who ministers to young adults as a university chaplain, wrote the article ahead of Pope Francis’ trip to the U.S., including his visit to the World Meeting of Families in Philadelphia, and his convening of the Synod on the Family in Rome. Late last month, he opened his monthly Sunday afternoon guest lecture series at St. Andrew the Apostle Parish, Clifton, with a talk on “The Sacrament of Matrimony & the Millennial Generation: The Need for Mercy and a Renewed Catechesis.” This month, he spoke on “Falling in Love with Christ the Good Shepherd: How Jesus Leads Us through the Different Seasons of Our Lives” [see related story for list of presentations].

Long-lasting marriages, Father Tangorra said, contain many essential elements, including the reality that “love is relational” — that “people need to concretize their relationships in order to become the best version of themselves.” It’s only when we make a real commitment through marriage that we find our purpose in life and experience “endless horizons of joy.” Traditional marriage “provides the structures for children to be raised in a stable environment,” Father Tangorra writes.

“True love needs God and needs His Church — the instrument God wields to bring about the eternal well-being of us all,” Father Tangorra writes in the article, which cites the Roman Missal, documents of the Second Vatican Council and sociological literature and offers guidelines in preparing for — and living out — a successful marriage.

In the article, Father Tangorra outlines the following three critical aspects of marriage that relate to the Catholic faith:

• Marriage is a vocation. Through discernment, we realize that marriage enables us to grow in holiness and “most perfectly respond to the offer of salvation in Christ Jesus.” The relationship between couples and the Church, which nourishes marriages, should be lived within — and in service to — the Church, he writes.

• Marriage exists in the Mystery of the Church. The faithfulness to the union of spouses “witnesses to the faithfulness of Christ made with the People of God, the Church, in the New and Eternal Covenant [through which all people of good will receive the salvation that it offers],” Father Tangorra writes.

• The Eucharist has a role in marriage. “The Eucharist is the heart and life-giving source of every marriage, priesthood and religious life. Frequent reception of the Eucharist strengthens your faithfulness to your marriage,” the priest writes.

Unfortunately, many millennials find it difficult to return to the Church, because they view themselves as unworthy sinners or hold an inaccurate perception that the Church does not accept their friends, who are engaged in alternative lifestyles, Father Tangorra recently told The Beacon.

“Invite people to follow Jesus. Provide them the opportunity to experience God’s love and mercy. Start with your own families,” Father Tangorra, who noted that Catholic Campus Ministry plans to hold a symposium on gay marriage on campus with the Pride Alliance, a group that supports the gay lifestyle. “Don’t hate people. Talk to them. That’s what Pope Francis has been talking about,” he said.

Father Tangorra’s article received many compliments online, including one from a 75-year-old reader, Tom McGuire. “It is only when we listen and respond to the questions of any generation that we can impact the deeper part of their life,” McGuire said. “You have obviously listened and found in your own generation great response to a Catholic way of marriage.”

[To read Father Tangorra’s article at Homiletic & Pastoral Review Magazine’s web site here.]