Welcome Home to Healing … and Reconciliation

BISHOP KEVIN J. SWEENEY

Welcome Home to Healing is the name of an initiative or program that has been offered in our Diocese during Lent for the last few years. It is an invitation to celebrate the Sacra­ment of Reconciliation during the season of Lent, especially by making the Sacrament available in every parish in the Diocese on each Monday night of Lent from 7 to 8:30 p.m. As we enter the season of Lent this year, I would like to take this opportunity to invite everyone to consider, perhaps in a new or different way, what it means to celebrate this “Sacrament of Healing.”

We sometimes speak of this Sacrament as “going to Confession” and confessing our sins is a part of the celebration, but it is so much more than simply confessing our sins and asking God to forgive us, as important as that is. I would like to share three lessons that I have learned from my own experience of “going to Confession,” in my years in the seminary and, especially, as a parish priest. I have found that there are different ways in which we can better appreciate the Sacrament of Reconciliation and come to see and understand it as a beautiful gift that God gives to us.

Forgiveness brings Healing

Anyone who has been hurt, especially by someone they love or trust, knows how painful life can be. When we think of our physical health, many of us know that we do not truly appreciate the gift of good health until it is taken away from us or from someone we love. We also can appreciate the wonderful gift of good health when we recover from an illness — surely many who have suffered from COVID-19 and recovered during the past two years understand and appreciate the gift of good health. As painful as physical illness can be, we know that there is other pain, whether it be emotional, psychological, or spiritual that can be even greater than physical pain.

When we have been betrayed by someone we love or when trust has been broken, when someone has lied to us or said something to hurt us, that pain can literally last a lifetime. Jesus came, not only to forgive our sins, but to “heal the broken hearted.” In giving us the Sacrament of Recon­cili­ation, Jesus offers us the opportunity to ask and receive forgiveness for our sins, but it is also a sacred place and moment through which we can learn mercy and learn to forgive ourselves and forgive others. We are so familiar with praying the “Our Father” and saying the words, “… forgive us our trespasses as we forgive those who trespass against us …” But how often do we think or reflect on that agreement or “deal” we make with God — that, if we ask God to forgive us, we will (try to) forgive those who sin against (hurt) us?

One of the greatest blessings that I have received in my years as a priest is the opportunity to accompany and witness someone who has been deeply wounded as he or she finds a way to be healed. So often the gift of healing comes as a result of forgiving the person who has hurt them. This can require years of hard work, very often with the help of a counselor, spiritual director, and/or confessor. The healing that comes from forgiveness is not always the result of celebrating the Sacrament of Reconciliation, but more often than not, an experience of the Sacrament or years of regular confession is part of an individual or couple or family finding their way home and finding the gift of true healing and peace that come from forgiveness and reconciliation.

God knows us better that we “know ourselves”

The experience of the Sacrament of Reconciliation (Confession) has changed significantly for Catholics in recent decades and generations. As I grew up in the 1970s and ’80s, I think I made my First Confes­sion in fourth grade in 1980, after I had received my First Communion in second grade in 1978 — a long story, the Church was going through some changes and experimentation in those years. I only vaguely remember hearing about people in the 1950s and ’60s lining up to go to Confes­sion on Saturday night so that they could receive Holy Com­munion at Mass on Sunday. From what I have heard, in the ’50s and ’60s, some people had difficult or negative experiences when they went to Confession and the priest was not as merciful or compassionate as one would have hoped.

I believe that our catechesis, practice, and understanding of the Sacrament has improved during the past 30 or 40 years. Unfortunately, we have lost many Catholics over those years. Negative experiences, mis­understanding, and other reasons have led to many faithful Catholics going many years, if not decades, without celebrating the Sacrament of Reconciliation. Having said that, I think the Sacrament is making a comeback and initiatives like Welcome Home to Healing are encouraging many Catholics to give the Sacrament another chance.

One of the things that seems to be an obstacle for many Catholics when they think of “going to Confession” is that it is not easy to say out loud, to another person, some of the things that we have done, even though the priest is only serving as an “instrument” and takes that most sacred vow to never repeat anything he hears in the Sacrament. Still, many Catholics ask, “Why do I have to confess my sins to a priest? Why can’t I just tell God, in my heart, that I am sorry?” On Ash Wednesday, we will hear the Lord tell us: “But when you pray, go to your inner room, close the door, and pray to your Father in secret. And your Father who sees in secret will repay you” (Mt 6:6). That “inner room” that Jesus commends to us is not a physical place. That room is our heart. Confession provides us with an opportunity for inner reflection and prayer. In the silence of our hearts and through individual reflection we arrive at deeper understanding of ourselves and our actions. Within the sanctity of the sacramental seal of confession, we speak our self-understanding aloud before God and put our failures behind us through the action of God’s grace.

In my years as a parish priest, when speaking with young people and adults about “why we have to confess our sins to a priest,” I found myself responding by saying that Jesus gave us this Sacrament and he must have some reason for giving it to us in the way that the Church has received it. We know he gave his apostles the authority to forgive sins. In John’s Gospel, when he appears to them after his Resur­rection, He says, “… Receive the Holy Spirit. Whose sins you forgive are forgiven them, and whose sins you retain are retained.” (Jn 20:22b–23). So, we might ask ourselves whether we trust Jesus enough to believe that he gave us this Sacrament for a reason, because he loves us, and knows that we need it. Can we believe or trust that “God knows us better than we know ourselves” and that taking the time to go to a priest, confess our sins, and ask to be forgiven, rather than just “saying I’m sorry in my heart” might be something that can be a great blessing for us (and be worth the effort), even if it can make us a little uncomfortable or is not very easy to do?

The Sacrament of Reconciliation (“Confession”) is not so much about “what I say” than about “what I hear”

Related to the previous lesson, I have learned and shared with others that it may be a mistake to focus on what we “say” in confession, rather than on what we “hear.” It is an almost universal experience that it is not easy to say some of the things we need to say in confession, but we also believe that God already knows what we have done, even in our worst moments, and never, even for a moment, stops loving us. Again, we need to trust that God has a reason for asking us to “tell him” what he already knows, but what happens next? We confess our sins, the priest tries to offer some spiritual advice and then assigns us a penance and invites us to pray the “Act of Contrition.” (Please do not worry if you are not familiar with these “steps” and/or do not know the “Act of Contrition” — there will probably be material available in Church or the priest will “walk you through it.”) Then, after the Act of Contrition, the priest will say the “Words of Absolution” or, in other words, we believe at that moment, it will be God speaking, through the priest, and you will hear, “… I absolve you of your sins in the Name of the Father and of the Son and of the Holy Spirit. Go in Peace. Your sins are forgiven.”

We can and should ask God to forgive us in our hearts, in prayer every day. When we “tell God we’re sorry” and ask him to forgive us in personal, quiet prayer, we hope that God will forgive us. When we celebrate the Sacrament of Reconciliation, we don’t have to hope — we know that our sins are forgiven, because we hear God (through the priest) say the words. What better words could you hear? The Sacra­ment of Reconciliation is truly an encounter with our loving and merciful God, when we hear God tells us that our sins are forgiven.

We believe that God has given us seven Sacraments. For many reasons the Sacrament of Reconciliation has been misunderstood and is often not appreciated for the gift of God that it truly is. As I believe that the Sacrament of Reconciliation is making a comeback, I hope and pray that, with the help of our Welcome Home to Healing initiative, many Catholics throughout our Diocese will come back to the Sacrament of Reconciliation during the season of Lent and the experience of healing and forgiveness will lead to an Easter of even greater joy.